My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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