I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize