how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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