my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
