i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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