It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
