it wasn't lemon gatorade
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
