Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
