There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
