I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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