I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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