OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
