I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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