Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
