I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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