The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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