i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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