what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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