A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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