you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
