dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
