i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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