Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize