we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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