Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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