You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
