He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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