and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
