I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
