wrigley field is MILF paradise
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
