That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
