dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
