How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
