Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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