i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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