she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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