Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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