Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
