Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
