Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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