one two three fourrrrnication!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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