Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
