I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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