I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
