I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
