Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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