I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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