If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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