can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone shit on the floor
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
