i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
