Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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