just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
