I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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