I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
