no. you can't hotbox the world.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
