the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this just has baby written all over it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
