I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
