Don't make out with my wife yet
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
