How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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