you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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