look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
