While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
