its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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