note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Come on in and take your pants off
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