No stitches, just platelets and will power
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
