ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
