my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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