dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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