i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
