i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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