How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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