im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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