i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize