@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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