I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
