I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
