my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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