You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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