Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
