who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
