What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
