She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
