so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
