We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
