His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
