I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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