If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
