Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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