Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
