I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
