he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize