my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
