East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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