i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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