i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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