Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
