I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
