My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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