Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
